Figure Skating: Make-up, and spinning, and sequins - OH MY!

So as I said before, I am going to be talking about the sports that don’t receive a lot of recognition and figure skating is definitely one of them. I don’t know about you, but having grown up in Canada, I was thrown into figure skating at the ripe old age of 3 in an attempt to learn how to skate. Skating down at the local pond with my brothers and having the wind push me across the ice was my real teacher but I quickly mastered the basic skills of grabbing on to the boards if I was going too fast or making the pile of snow with my pink figure skates in learning how to stop. However, the twirling, the jumping, the elegant gliding across the ice as my Mom captured the Kodak moments from the confines of the bleachers, that whole thing just didn’t do it for me. I often complained that my feet hurt and they would take me home where I would continue to play mini-stick hockey with my brothers in the foyer. You can put me in a frilly skirt but you can’t make me spin on ice. But of course, during certain times of the year and especially during the Olympics, when we are bombarded with the dragqueen make-up and the sequined costumes (I have a secret obsession with all things that are sequined) I often can’t help but think what my song choice would be for my long program if I was a figure skater. Watching the movies The Mighty Ducks or The Sandlot, has a similar effect on me with baseball and hockey as I long to become a master of each sport. But then I remembered that baseball sucks. Ya, I said it, but I digress.

You have to give it up for the figure skaters. They are bad-ass bitches and real athletes who throw themselves into the air on ice doing the most outrageous things that I wouldn’t even attempt doing on solid ground and that is a feat that must be commended. The skill, the elegance, the strength and agility is just the tip of the ice berg of the athletic prowess that they possess which transcends into a beautiful dance on ice. They use their skills to perform jumps like the triple salchow (pronounced sow-cow) that sounds more like Chinese food, or a double lutz combination which could potentially be a drink that one would order at Starbucks. But as glamorous and showy as figure skating may be, these athletes have the wear and tear, broken bones and bruises that any athlete would have training at a top level. And you have to have a little bit of crazy in you to do what they do.

This past weekend was the figure skating world championships that took place in Los Angeles. Our very own Joannie Rochette finished second in an incredible showing while Kim Ya-Na of South Korea finished first. This of course sets a promising stage for Rochette in hopes of being a medal contender for the 2010 Olympics. Now here is where my smutty sense is tingling and it is a talent taught none other by Lainey from Laineygossip.com. Kim Ya-Na, is from South Korea but her coach and mentor is none other than THE Canadian Olympic medalist himself, Brian Orser. Brian freaking Orser. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with that? Yes, I know there are several situations in sports where the coach of an athlete or team is not from the country of which the athlete represents. But having just got a taste of what the skating culture is like, and I’m talking think of your worse hockey/soccer mom experience and multiply that by 10 and maybe you will be closer to a skating mentality, but it is fierce competition in the skating world. The gossip that goes on behind the scenes makes Britney Spears smut seem like sandbox talk for toddlers. But as if Canada has enough problems in amateur sports in seeking funding, sponsorships or recognition for that matter, you would think that Brian Orser would assist in the Canadian amateur sport landscape as much as he can. *Snaps the finger* Oh no he didn’t!

I have since decided that I would only become a figure skater if the music for my programs could include lyrics. Currently you are unable to have music that contains lyrics. I couldn’t imagine doing a routine that wasn’t to the tune of a Backstreet Boys song. I do keep the Backstreet pride alive. Always.

Yours in sports and stilettos,

Scotty

Sporty Girl In Stilettos

Hey Hey Hey!

This is a blog for all the girls and women out there whose last name simultaneously becomes your first name. We’re the ones who get the call for a game of shinney and we’re also one of the firsts to be asked to join the annual soccer team. Back in elementary school, we were the ones who were teased at first recess for wanting to play soccer or basketball with the boys, but by lunch recess, we were the first to be picked for the team. We sported the infamous, “Soccer is Life…and the rest is just details” t-shirt with pride, along with soccer shorts and other sports oriented apparel that became a regular staple in our wardrobe.

You know what it’s like to be on a winning team in high school, but the boys football team with their losing record, were the ones who received all of the support. In gym class, as scrawny as you might have been, you often showed up the boys in the endurance runs and the maximum number of sit-ups. You don’t workout to look pretty and pick-up boys, but you get in the zone, sweat like a mofo, and make ugly faces while you do your last rep in hopes of improving your speed on the field.

As we have gotten older, the bruises from rugby are harder to cover up when you wear short skirts to the bar. The soccer tan, the bottom half of your leg dawning a pasty-sun free colour, while the top half of the leg is brilliantly tanned, is a look that you’re not ashamed to show off. Pick-up lines usually turn into hockey centered conversations, and the once interested man is calling you for the next time his buddies are getting together to watch a game. You know that the Ice Man Chuck Liddle is known for his stand-up game and Hulk Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage were once bitter rivals. You appreciate the legacy that Lou Holtz created with the fighting Irish, and Sunday afternoons are always a little bit better with chips and salsa while watching the Bills acquire yet another losing season. You realize two of the greatest sporting events of the year, the Junior Hockey Tournament and NCAA March Madness is filled with passion for the game and a drive to win that is uninhibited by outrageous salaries.

We are the athletes who like to wear stilettos and know all of the Backstreet Boys dance moves, but can also throw a mean spiral. We may not be able to regurgitate player stats, but we know what it takes to pull through the last 10 minutes of a game when you feel like your legs are going to give out. We were seen as sacrificing a social life when we had our respective sports 4-5 times a week and had to be up early for Saturday A.M. practices, sometimes even leaving a sleepover at 7 A.M. But we make-up for that in the bond that we share with the people who go through the nitty-gritty with us, that will lead you to hoisting a trophy above your head at the end of the day. More importantly, you know how to lose, and how to do it with class, and that drives you to work that much harder.

We talk sports with a feminine flair, in a language that we know. So for the educated ones out there this will be a fun weekly read. But for the others who are trying to learn a little bit more of what’s going on in your boyfriend/husband’s mind when they watch that stupid little game with the stupid little ball trying to hit it in a hole with a stupid little flag, this may be your way of finding a new love in your life- sports. Not to mention the fact that boys are pretty cute in uniforms. Most importantly, we will be giving a stage to the women in sports who often go unnoticed. Also, the drama drama drama that goes on in the sports world could rival any Hills episode. Trust.

Yours in sports and stilettos,

Scotty.